A Place to Vent

Dear Messed Up Diary,

Today you have been created with the sole purpose of being my outlet, my one true area where I can say anything I want and not risk hurting anyone's feelings. That has been the most difficult aspect of really only having my husband and one best friend to talk to. I have other friends, yeah, but really only talk to my husband (obviously) and best friend regularly. I have such a hard time keeping up with other friends because I just feel like a hindrance in their lives. Knowing this isn't really the case doesn't keep those thoughts from taking up residence in my mind.

It is hard to put into words the issue that is really festering inside my brain right now, but here goes an attempt at explaining... My best friend has started another weight loss journey. That's truly awesome. I am not annoyed by that. I am annoyed that it seems to give her an air of false superiority over me. For example, just because she has the ability to go to a gym and work out every day, or have the ability to do this amazing weight loss program for free doesn't mean my journey is inferior to hers. But I guess that is what happens in life right? Everyone thinks that what they do is better than the person next to them, or else why would they be doing that particular thing and not the same thing as you..? Does that even make sense? I guess it doesn't matter since this is just for me.

Anyways, as I was saying, I really am happy for her. But when I mentioned that I didn't have the same goal as her, to be ripped or show off in competitions, it was like she looked down her nose at me. We don't have to share an ultimate goal of "I will whoop your ass with my pinkie finger" in order to share a common goal of "get into shape".

I told her she should start a blog. So she did. And I told her I thought it was great! Fast forward a couple days where I decide to start my own, you know the whole "follow my own advice" thing, and I get nothing from her about mine. Not even a peep. Do I need her validation, no, not really. But an acknowledgement would be nice.

Like an acknowledgement that I am supporting her through it all. Instead she keeps saying how everyone else is so supportive. Oh, I didn't see them helping you come up with recipes, going shopping with you, rooting you on when you wanted to start this program, agreeing to go to the gym with you to work out (on the days I am able to). But instead, I get left to the back burner.

I guess I should be used to that. She has told me on numerous occasions that we are so close because I am the one who happened to live closest to her, so it turned into a really close relationship. Which makes sense. But at the same time it makes me question if that means I am only a close friend out of convenience.

I'm babbling. As you can see I have a lot bottled up that I haven't brought up to her. Simply because I just don't see it as worth bringing it up. In the end she has been a great friend to me and helps me out in ways that some would probably find ridiculous. Like lending me and my husband her car for weeks while we worked to get ours fixed. Or helping to buy most of the stuff we needed for our new place because we lost almost everything in the last move as a crazy Christmas present.

The good definitely outweighs the bad, but having a place to vent my frustrations is definitely nice.

But I really should make an effort to have more close friends. Sometimes having only one is kind of a hassle. LOL.

TTFN.

Edit: She is yet to acknowledge my blog,  but has changed hers in an attempt to make it better than mine. 😠

Edit 2: my best friend told me they didn't acknowledge my weight loss blog bc they were mad I set my goal weight lower than their's and how dare I bc I'm an inch taller. huh?! She told me this a week later. Also she was mad I took my own idea and made a blog. Like what?